On the transition to motherhood
As Mother’s Day comes, so too does my life-changing role becoming a mother myself. It is sometimes hard to wrap my mind around! But one thing that has helped keep me grounded is to lean on the support of my friends and family, especially those that have been on the motherhood journey themselves.
Witnessing the strength, grit and grace with which these ladies have become moms has inspired my own path. And I’m fortunate to have them to lean on during this special time. Along with their adorable kiddos that have also shown me a thing or two about raising tiny humans and all the messy, loving, tough but amazing moments it brings.
As I approach my due date, I asked a group of friends to share their perspectives on their labor and delivery experiences, hospital must-haves, and those first few days/weeks after bringing a newborn into the world. Happy to share this with you and a big thank you to each of them for expressing their stories.
From Charlene
Hospital stay necessities or rituals
This is dependent upon the delivery room, but I was fortunate to have a full birthing suite with my own tub and could bring/do what I wanted. I brought twinkly lights to hang up, a diffuser for good smells, and my own playlist. Plus, snacks! And my own coconut water and what not. Now that said … the only thing I used was the twinkly lights, which my doula hung up for me. I got lost in the birth zone and forgot about the rest. I had IV injections for sustenance - ha!
Labor prep for a more positive experience
To prepare for my labor I took a birth class that was phenomenal! We learned so much, and got many moments to connect on birthing preferences, how my partner could support me, and how to advocate for yourself for when the unknown happens. I also very highly recommend a doula. There are really good meditations you can do to prepare leading up to birth too.
Describe the first moments meeting your baby
Meeting our daughter for the first time was unbelievable. I remember my last push and just feeling flooded with relief. I started crying because I finally did it! I remember them putting her on my chest and lots of motion and mumbling. She was a little unresponsive at first so I was aware of that but then seconds later she cried and again I was so relieved and exhausted I didn’t know what to do with my body. So I remember my partner grabbing my hands and putting them on her. Then I looked down and she was looking at me. We just stared and stared at her - it was so magical.
Any other advice for new or expecting moms
Know that your birth plan *rarely* goes to plan - but it always goes the way it is supposed to. Be in the moment, trust your intuition, and trust your body was meant to do this. The first few days, even weeks after birth, you figure out - it’s the months later that you want help. There is a 4th trimester - your body goes through A LOT of changes in this time. Embrace it, take it easy, and lean on your support system. At times you’re going to feel life only exists to feed, sleep, change diapers, but I promise it is so much more than that.
From Nadine
Hospital stay necessities or rituals
I wanted to make the hospital room as cozy as possible so highly recommend the following:
Pillow
Portable speaker
Toiletries - that first shower is gold and you'll want to use your stuff / smell like you
Button down PJs and slippers
Your own pads/underwear/nursing bras - hospital provides most items but I liked having my own comfortable ones
Comfortable change of clothes - I preferred pregnancy leggings for a good bit after giving birth
Baby clothes - plan on bringing a few outfits/onesies and one the travel home in
Velcro swaddle - I got smart early on with my first and went for velcro for ease!
Labor prep for a more positive experience
We took a labor class to have an idea of what to expect. We needed some predictability to start with and found this super helpful so encourage a class. When I was in labor, I found it helpful to "name" the pain so that when it came on, I would say it out loud. It almost became a mantra to get through the contraction or whatever it was. Movement during contractions is also critical.
Looking back, I would have had a looser birth plan but also prepare myself to 1) not prove anything to myself and 2) pivot more quickly when things started to take turns in the wrong direction.
Describe the first moments meeting your baby
Oh gosh - they were such different experiences but both were so magical. For my first, I had a chance to see her briefly and I remember seeing her perfect little face. They brought her over to me - not on my chest because they needed to get her medical attention - she was crying and I vividly remember saying "hi baby" and she immediately stopped and looked over to me then nestled into my neck. It was perfect and a memory that is imprinted in my soul. She was then immediately whisked away to NICU because she had a fever and they wanted to stabilize her. When I could finally see her, they put her in my arms and I can't begin to describe the love I felt - it's like my heart grew in size at the exact moment. My baby girl proved that moment that she was and will always be a fighter.
For my second, they put him immediately on my chest and we just became one in that moment. He didn't leave my side (nor did I let anyone take him from me) for several hours and I was just so grateful to have that bonding / skin-to-skin time with him.
Any other advice for new or expecting moms
I think the biggest is be gentle and forgiving of yourself. Your body went through something massive and it will still do incredible things in those days / weeks / months at home. Ask for help. We're conditioned not to but truly, raising a baby takes a village and your attention needs to be on you and baby. Lactation consultants can be like fairy godmothers. Learn about wake times and try to have a loose schedule around 4-6 weeks. Get fresh air, go outside and get your body moving.
From Christina
Hospital stay necessities or rituals
For you, a robe, toiletries, LONG phone charger, small fan, shower shoes, pillow, nursing bra, nipple cream, snacks, book or Kindle/laptop. For Baby, a swaddle, cute outfits for photos, letter board or announcement props, Boppy or breastfeeding pillow. Otherwise, the hospital has everything you need.
Labor prep for a more positive experience
I went in with the only expectation that we would get the baby out safely and have a healthy mom. I had a lot of interventions and ultimately had an emergency C-section after 24 hours of labor since baby’s HR kept dropping with contractions. Looking back, I wouldn’t get induced if not needed and would have wanted to go into labor naturally.
Describe the first moments meeting your baby
Surreal, I was so excited to finally meet him! He was already latching and nursing in PACU. You can’t believe you love someone so much that you just met.
Any other advice for new or expecting moms
Give yourself grace. You don’t need to be up and doing anything but bonding with baby and recovering. I treasured that time at home with no obligations but to snuggle my son.
From Kelsey
Hospital stay necessities or rituals
Have a flexible birth plan if you make one! I decided on no birth plan but I picked two things that I would like to happen during my experience: 1. be able to get an epidural 2. have skin-to-skin contact with baby as soon as he came out. I got the epidural, but unfortunately no skin-to-skin immediately since Noah had to go straight to the NICU.
Things to bring:
Your own pillow(s)
Comfy sweats and zip up jackets
Nursing bras/tanks, postpartum underwear, grip socks
Dry shampoo and portable mirror
Portable fan
Comfortable blanket/twin comforter
Eye mask
Comfy robe/gown
Baby’s first outfit
Snacks/drinks
Ipad (If you have time to spare, I recommend ordering in some food and and watching a movie with your partner. Enjoy some last moments together, just you two.)
Labor prep for a more positive experience
I’m really thankful that I walked around as much as I did and waited for as long as I could to get the epidural. Once you get the epidural you are (likely) confined to the bed so move around for as long as you can! Don't be afraid to call out and bother the nurses if you need anything or feel like something isn't right.
Describe the first moments meeting your baby
It was the most surreal experience I have ever had. It is wild how much you feel an immediate love. It was just such a wow moment, truly unreal. My son was still in the NICU when I got to finally hold him, but I made sure to do skin-to-skin as soon as I could & that was such a special moment. It definitely took me a good 48 hours to process that he was really here and that he was ours to take home!
Any other advice for new or expecting moms
The first couple of nights are an adjustment. Basically just cycling through his wants and needs is the first start. It's full of changing, feeding, keeping warm, snuggling, paci and repeat. Make sure everyone washes their hands before holding baby. I highly recommend meal prepping or having a meal train. Lactation treats made a huge difference for me! Some local bakeries may offer them but here were my tried and true.
The hormones + sleep deprivation + body changes will 1000% challenge you emotionally, mentally, and physically. Take it one step at a time and go easy on yourself. "Baby blues" are totally normal & may last up to 2 weeks. Much longer than that, I strongly recommend reaching out to a postpartum therapist.
It's tough to totally prepare you for everything to come, but becoming a mom has truly been the most incredible thing and has made me the happiest I have ever been. It totally evolves you and can take some getting used to - so if you ever feel in the thick of it, just remember it will get easier, I promise! Enjoy each phase and moment because it really does fly by- I would totally go back to some of the sleepless nights again for a newborn moment here & there (this will sound crazy to you when you're in it ha).
This lovely friend of mine in the next story had quite the birth jounrey(s) and is a true warrior mama! Out of privacy, I’m not sharing her full birth story but wanted to pass along her advice based on her experience. As you can see, so many of the stories are different yet at their core the love and joy that overwhelms you once you finally meet your child is universal. Holding on to that. All are ultimately stories of happy, healthy outcomes and these women are truly some of the best mamas I know.
From Karalea
As much as I wanted a "normal" pregnancy and "normal" delivery I am so grateful this was my journey. I am so proud to be a NICU mom of two premature babies.
So, in my story....
I did not have hospital stay necessities or rituals.
I didn't have the luxury to see my children right after birth…I was overjoyed to finally see them. They were hooked up to so many machines, so tiny, so perfect and fighting for their lives. I was scared and excited and my heart was overflowing with love. I knew we had a journey ahead and I was ready for it.
The first few days/weeks at home the baby will be eating and sleeping a lot. Enjoy the snuggles you will get. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Let the house duties GO! Don't worry about the dishes, the laundry and whatever else. Let other people do those things for you.
Trust your pediatrician and trust your mama intuition.
Have snacks all over your house - you never know where you may get trapped for long periods of time (either feeding or napping baby).
Everyone will have advice, do what is best for you and your family.
Time really does go by fast and I have a hard time when people say "enjoy every moment" because the truth is you don't. Some moments are really difficult, but I do try to remember at least one good thing my kids did that day before I go to bed.
Never be afraid to reach out to other mamas and ask for help. We are all here for you!
