With spring approaching, there’s more on my mind than just flower buds this year. This summer will be a true blossoming for me into motherhood.

I’m excited but I’m also nervous, anxious, unsure…needless to say there a lot of feels that accompany pregnancy and becoming a parent!

For me, I went from really focusing on my health and body (I’ve always been comfortable in my own skin) to a whole new world of what ifs and new changes everyday. As an active person, I struggled with the fatigue of early pregnancy. However, I was lucky to not have crazy morning sickness. It has been especially hard to get rest when there have been workers in and out of the house everyday along with construction noise. My house does not feel like a sanctuary (yet) nor my own, and navigating that along with my first pregnancy has not been easy. I am so grateful to my husband for taking care of me when it was needed during this time. And to all my family and friends who have offered support or space as an oasis.

I remember during the first trimester wondering when I’d get the cute baby bump. I was studying my body and changes everyday like never before. Then all of a sudden, it seemed like I grew overnight in the second trimester. It was difficult not to have my go-to staples to wear and my confidence wained. I think pregnant bodies are truly beautiful, but I struggled (and still do at times) with all the change. Yes, it is a miracle. It is incredibly magical! But I want to be honest to share that I haven’t enjoyed all the changes that come with pregnancy. I haven’t yet fully embraced my new body.

But as the baby continues to grow, so too has this other side of me. With the growing bump came the first flutters. I had no idea what to expect with this phenomenon, but immediately I felt this connection and bond like nothing I’ve experienced before. Now, I look forward to the little kicks and squirms (though they are not always comfortable!). It’s like our own little love language as I touch my belly back in response.

These are the moments to embrace. The beautiful and the difficult, too. Pregnancy is a wild ride and I’m fortunate to get to experience it.

But change can be scary. I’m still unsure of how I will settle into being a new mom and how our family will adjust. I’m not even sure our remodel will be complete by the baby’s arrival, though every day we are pushing for it. You have no idea how badly I need/want to deep clean!

If all goes well, we should be finishing up in April with just enough time to nest and settle in. As someone who appreciates organization, I’m dying to get going on this but also trying to maintain a minimalist approach in terms of “things” so as not to overwhelm. We likely won’t have the perfect nursery set up but I’m OK with that. More importantly, I want a calm, clean environment and to be able to welcome family/friends for support throughout those first few weeks.

It is crazy how time can seem both to fly and move slow. I’m dreaming of days outside in the yard with the babe and family. Reading, gardening or walking the dog. We also have plans to build a bench swing (but hoping my only other projects will be organizing and decorating!). There is so much to look forward to in this season of life. This one is teaching me to turn inward, to trust the process, and to simply be.