One year of baby
a million little moments. me, forever changed.
A million little moments. Me, forever changed.
I’ve been wanting to capture this last year with Baby but it’s near impossible to relay the full experience. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, but maybe it’s just that the experience is entirely our own. There are sweet moments between us that I want to hold close. That no one will ever truly understand because of the bond we hold.
There have been two massive transformations this past year. Me as a mother. And all the milestones of Baby.
Parenthood is a constant cycle of holding on and letting go. As a mom, I’m learning to let go of what doesn’t feel right and hold on to my intuition.
To let go of the phase he’s just outgrown or the clothes he’ll never fit in again. To hold tight to the firsts; like hearing his first laugh or watching him learn to crawl.
I hold him steady as he tries new things. Catching him in my arms as he falls. And helping him back up again. And sometimes I let go - to show him how strong he is, how capable he is all on his own.
My arms ache many days as he grows bigger, stronger. But I know they’ll ache too when he no longer needs them as much.
Realizing that he’s forever changed me and letting go of that version of myself. And yet, holding on to the pieces of me that I want him to know. That I want to keep.
“Realizing that he’s forever changed me and letting go of that version of myself. And yet, holding on to the pieces of me that I want him to know. That I want to keep. ”
We’ve come along way this last year, Baby J and I. Our love story has only just begun.
Already I can see his curious spirit, his kind heart. He truly is a happy, social soul. And he’s so full of LIFE and energy! I love his personality and how he shows up in the world.
I learn from Baby everyday. Whether it’s staying more present or rediscovering how things work, how he sees the world is already reshaping mine.
As hard as it is to let them go (each new phase), I look forward to all the ways in which he’ll grow and being there for him always.
For anyone reading for more advice... I don’t want to just say that the first year is tough. Or say that it’s all bliss! It is tough but I think parenthood is “tough” - not just the first year. But so are you! It is life changing and hard and also so, so amazing. And my experience will be totally different than yours.
If I was giving myself advice...
Sleep - I knew the newborn phase would be difficult but I was not prepared for sleep to be such a THING. In the beginning, I was terrified of what could go wrong (this is where the Internet and too much info can be harmful!). Then you get into all the sleep training or not talk. There are opinions on everything, and you quickly can start to feel like you’re doing it all wrong (no blackout - GOD FORBID!). I would (as with anything) read all sides to your comfort level and then go with your gut. No, I don’t get 10+ hours of uninterrupted sleep. But I know I won’t be able to cuddle him to sleep forever. So I choose to show up that way.
Self care - I knew this would be hard(er), but I wasn’t prepared for just how hard it would be to come by. In the early days, it was hard to find time to just eat/make food when juggling feedings for baby, pumping, etc. etc. Try and get help! Meal delivery, family, whatever you can to nourish yourself. And walks are life giving! Yes, stroller walks count as working out. Baby wear = weighted vest! Workout while baby naps or nap yourself (this was and still is hard for me). Maybe just sit and do nothing, then sometimes.
Time really does fly - Try to embrace it ALL. And all the EMOTIONS, too. Soak it all in.
Productivity looks different - It may look like helping baby eat, sleep and explore new things. It may look like juggling baby while doing other things (working, working out, cooking, cleaning, whatever) but you don’t have to do it all because you already are doing so much.
Let sh** go - Comparison, schedules, etc. Do what works for you and don’t doubt yourself now.
Change the narrative from “survival” to “resilience.”
Love brings on a whole new meaning.
You will find little pieces of yourself again in time - BE PATIENT.
LIVE - Go places, go out to eat even if it’s hard and new. It is so good to get out of the house. It is also ok if you don’t.
Being present helps relieve the pressure of being perfect or productive. Enjoy the littlest of moments and really try to be there.
And while I have changed/grown in this last year of motherhood, I’ve also stepped into the person I’ve always been. Something inside you shifts, but the parts of you that were always there - that were meant for loving, leading, learning, and living are bolder, better because of you.
